1) Marriage is a three-ring affair: first comes the engagement ring; then comes the wedding ring; then comes the suffering.

2) They say, man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.

3)Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.

4) I overheard a man complain, "Last week my luck was terrible, the chauffeur ran off without my wife."

5) A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked her friend.
The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire."

6) A man gave his wife an anniversary gift-beautifully packed. When she opened it, she went all to pieces -it was a time bomb.

7) Teacher: Johnny, why were you absent from school for three days?
Johnny: Sorry, teacher, my dad got burnt.
Teacher: Oh! I hope it wasn't anything serious.
Johnny: Well, teacher, they don't play games at the crematorium.

8) Teacher: How did Tommy lose the fingers of his right hand?
Student: He put them in the horse's mouth to see how many teeth he had.
Teacher: So what happened?
Student: Well, the horse closed his mouth to see how many fingers Tommy had.

9) A Sunday School teacher asked a little boy, "Johnny, where is God?"
"In the bathroom of my house," replied Johnny.
"Why do you say that?" inquired the shocked teacher.
"Because every morning, my daddy pounds on the door and says: "My God, are you still there?"